I Lost You
by Guenelyn
Summary: I was just a little disappointed at the way they resolved A Pain in the Heart. I thought the Booth/Bones/faked-death storyline deserved a bit more...something. So here's my take.


Disclaimer: I don't own Bones. If I did I wouldn't be wasting my time with fanfiction.

A/N: Umm, so I guess just about everyone will put in their two cents after A Pain in the Heart. Here's mine. It takes place a few days after the end of A Pain in the Heart.

* * *

His footsteps don't make a sound as he enters her office, but she senses him coming before he's even there. She doesn't look up from her paperwork and he doesn't speak a word, simply sits on her couch. She feels his eyes on her, watching, searching, assessing, and she almost yells at him to cut it out. Instead, she keeps her head down, willing away the tears that burn the backs of her eyes, the sob which threatens to erupt from her sore throat.

"I thought you were over this, Bones," he speaks in a low voice.

She almost smiles to herself. Over it? How could she be over it when no one will let her forget?

She'd arrived home last night to find a letter from her brother, his heartfelt apologies at the loss of her partner. Apparently he'd seen it on the news, hadn't gotten the memo that Booth wasn't really dead. Of course, that wasn't surprising, because neither had she.

"I'm fine," she mutters, not looking up at him, not really seeing her paperwork either.

He's silent for several moments and she wonders if maybe he believes her and will drop it. She should never underestimate Booth's ability to read her.

"You're not."

"I got a letter from Russ," she begins, her voice even, her hands clamped on her desk. "He's very sorry for my loss. He knows that Seeley Booth was a good man and he'll miss him for my sake."

She peeks up at him, and he's got his head in his hands, bowing as if in prayer.

"I'm sorry," he whispers and she doesn't know if he's talking to her or to God. "I'm so sorry, Temperance."

She doesn't reply, but continues to watch him.

"I parked outside your building," he says quietly. His face is still covered and his voice is muffled.

"You…you what?" She asks, rising from her seat to get closer.

He takes a deep shuddering breath and looks up at her. "Five days after…well, when I got out of the hospital, I drove over to your apartment when I knew you'd be getting out of work and parked across the street. I watched you walk into your building, then I went around back and watched your windows until your lights went out."

She stares at him, disbelief etched into every line of her face. He'd been there. He'd been at her place and he hadn't come in to tell her that he wasn't dead.

"I can't believe you," she hisses. "You…you…"

"I had to know," he says. "I had to know that you were okay."

"I wasn't okay," she gasps. "I wasn't anywhere near okay. You were dead and…and I…"

"I know, Temperance." He sighs, the sound so sad, so world weary. She collapses into the armchair across from him.

"Why couldn't you tell me? Why couldn't you just get out of your car and come knock on my door and tell me that you weren't dead?"

"I thought it didn't matter to you," he says, his eyes hardening, apparently giving up on his argument that he'd meant for her to know. "I thought you were able to 'compartmentalize my death and move on'."

She gasps at the harsh tone to his voice. "How dare you? How dare you turn this around on me, Booth? You may have taken a bullet for me, but I killed for you, for us. She would have killed us. It shouldn't matter whether I was able to compartmentalize. I had a right to know."

His eyes narrow. "But you told Sweets that…"

"Forget what I told Sweets. You're my partner, Booth."

"You didn't even cry at my funeral."

"God, Booth, can you be that arrogant?" She stands and walks back to her desk, sitting down in the chair behind it, subconsciously putting space and objects between them. "Just because I didn't show my emotions outwardly, doesn't mean they don't exist."

He stares at her, his chest rising and falling steadily, his eyes blazing. He's so alive, she thinks, when he could just as easily be dead.

"You cared?"

Her eyes close of their own accord and she shakes her head slowly. "Of course I cared."

He stands and makes his way to her desk, coming around behind to kneel beside her.

"I'm so sorry. If I could go back and change it, I'd have told you."

She nods, blinking rapidly to suppress the tears that threaten to fall. She won't cry. She's done enough crying in the past two weeks; enough crying for a lifetime.

"You took a bullet for me," she says quietly. "You shouldn't have. I would have gladly done it."

He sighs and takes her hand in his. "I know, Bones. I know."

She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "I lost you."

"You didn't," he says, rubbing circles over her hand.

"I did." She nods, a tear slipping out despite her best efforts. "You were dead and they were putting you in the ground and…and I was mad at you."

"You were mad at me?" he asks incredulously. "Pam Noonan's the one who shot me, shouldn't you have been mad at her?"

She almost smiles. "You're the one who left me. You said you'd never betray me, that you'd never leave me."

"But I was dead. I didn't leave you on purpose."

She laughs softly. "We'll ignore for the moment the fact that it was your fault I thought you were dead." She fixes him with a glare and he blushes satisfyingly. "I knew, logically, that it wasn't your fault. But you'd let go, you hadn't held on and stayed with me. All the logic in the world couldn't make me understand why you were gone."

"I'm sorry," he repeats again, standing and pulling her up with him. He pulls her forward and she resists for a moment, looking into his eyes. He's real. He's alive. She steps forward into his arms and leans into his embrace. "I'm sorry, Temperance," he mutters against her hair.

"I forgive you," she replies.

She feels him smile. "Now you know how I felt all those times you got yourself captured or injured or whatever."

She pulls away smiling and hits him lightly on the arm. "Those weren't my fault."

He laughs.

Her face grows serious as she regards him. "I hated it, Booth."

"I know."

"Don't ever do that again."

He pulls her to him and nuzzles his face into her hair. "Never," he whispers.

* * *

A/N: I tried really hard not to be too fluffy. I think I managed to keep them mostly in character. I just kept telling myself that it was okay for Brennan to break down a little because it was Booth and she lets him see sides of her that she hides from everyone else. Let me know what you think.

Oh, and for all my Red & PI fans, I've got half of the next chapter written. It should be up by next week sometime.


End file.
